Blinded by the Awesomeness of Th…The Chu…Chuck…Nor…Norris

Blinded by the Awesomeness of Th…The Chu…Chuck…Nor…Norris

There’s more to the Net than Facebook and Youtube. There’s Chuck Norris…and the lethal jokes inspired by his blinding awesomeness.

When a blogger posts Chuck Norris jokes on his blog, he’s either scraping the Web for material (porn is hot but a no-no when you’re a legit blogger) to resuscitate his dormant blog or he’s suicidal.

As for me, I can’t tell because I’m deadbeat from the night shift and only the plummeting levels of caffeine in my system are propping up my fatigued eyelids. Shit, here are the jokes I’ve collected from the Net.

While compiling this list, I was nervously watching the computer monitor, ready to duck in case Chuck Norris’ feet come through the monitor and do what work had failed to do to me: kick me into sleep.

When you are reading this list, pray, pray that you’ve never prayed before, that Chuck Norris does not hunt you down for enjoying the light side of his immeasurable awesomeness.


1. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


3. Chuck Norris doesn’t use steroids. Steroids use Chuck Norris.

4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, may God help you.

5. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

6. You don’t find chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you!

7. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

8. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

9. Devil didn't go down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. Chuck Norris came down to hell and told him to get the fuck out.


10. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now there just the Islands.

11. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.


12. When people die, they go to hell. When hell dies, it goes to Chuck Norris.

13. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


14. Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.

15. Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own shit because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from anybody

16. There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.

17. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

18. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

19. Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

20. Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

21. Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

22. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.